Community post

So, just got off the phone with the nurse, for the 3rd time today....

My hcg levels went up....from 13.8 to 14. It generally comes down 1 point a day...so should have been at least an 8 because I have my blood drawn every 7 days. But, it's up to 14.

After 3 doctors reviewed my chart and bloodwork, they all agree that I must have some teeeeny tiny microscopic piece of a "product of conception" left. Said my positive OPK last week must have been a false positive.....as there is "no way" I could ovulate with an hcg level above 5. Whatever.

My choices are....
1. Take Provera to induce thickening and then shedding of the lining
2. Get some sort of shot to ultra-thin out my lining

OR

3. Another D&C

Yeah.....

But, these are my options after I go "one more time" for bloodwork next Wednesday.

I already said HELL NO to the D&C. I might consider option 1.....option 2 scares me as the nurse referred to it as a one-time shot to induce a miscarriage. No thanks.

I'm so angry. Who are they to tell me I can't ovulate? Sometimes women who m/c get pregnant even before their next period! I don't know....but them dismissing me that it 100% can't be a new pregnancy irritates me.

I'm sure it isn't....and it's just me really hoping and wishing....but I don't know....just crushing to hear a medical person say it's not possible.

But then again, these are the people who misdiagnosed my blood clot as a "twin".

Oh well. More bloodwork to follow.....

Aw Melissa I don't kow what to say those are some hard choices you are left with :( I mean it's probable to be new pregnancy but I'm thinking those chances may be low :( I wouldn't know what to do myself being in that situation. I guess wait it out a little bit have you take any hpts??? Are they still positive??

Okay am I just crazy but I have thos overwhelming sense of saddness sitting my docs waiting room with three pregnant ladies while the doc is off delivering. This intense saddness just poured over me thinking well this will probably never be me :( This just suck this just f-ing sucks :(

Melissa - I'm so sorry to hear your options... and it makes me even sadder to think the D&C didn't get everything! Can they see anything on an ultrasound? I know it's a "blind" procedure (as my doctor told me that one of the risks is going through to your stomach with the sucker thing because she can't see - which, of course, is rare) but you would think they would get everything. That must be too why it's taken so long for your numbers to come down. I know you'll feel better after you get more blood work done and have some answers. And I know it doesn't feel good to be a professional blood donor these days :(

Michelle - Sorry to hear you were in the dr's office with all the preggo gals! That's so hard to be around :( I know it'll be your day soon though!

Sending both of you ladies some big hugs today. AFM, I went to yoga Tuesday night. And the theme was about accepting yourself and your limitations and loving your body. Loving my body is something I haven't done for a long time. Actually, I pretty much hate my body for what it did to me and to our soon to be family. So, I'm in yoga struggling with loving my body. And I'm just like "oh god, I hope that's not AF starting" Sure enough I come out of class and I'm spotting. And I'm PISSED. Usually I'm really calm and zenned out after yoga, but I'm just irritated. I haven't cried that hard since my D&C and the whole "recovery" process. And I was only 10 DPO... I thought progesterone was supposed to keep you from bleeding and spotting... WTF? So, yesterday, just spotting... but I knew from last month not to get my hopes us. Today, I started AF. The spotting picked up and I used a tampon... so not sure how heavy yet, but I'm out. And on top of it... I had to HOST a baby shower for my coworker who is due Feb 11. And I spent an hour and a half hosting this baby shower knowing that I should be the one being the mother of honor. I was due Feb 2 and then Mar 5... I should be opening gifts and letting people feel my baby move. It's been a hard day, but I've kept a smile on my face. I don't know what the next steps are. I really am thinking long and hard about a TTC break. Next month would be an Oct 28th or so due date and I LOVE October. The next mo would be Thanksgiving and then Christmas. Then if I conceive in April I'd be in my 1st trimester for our family vacation to Disney in May. And I don't want to get pg in May while on vacation. And getting pg in June gives me nightmares... I don't want another March due date... it's a bad sign. So, maybe taking a break until July is in the cards for me. We're thinking really seriously about building a house. It's what I call the "Lisa Dream House"... it's perfect and everything I've ever wanting in a house and the thought of being settled in the house when we bring a baby home is so soothing to me. And if I got pg later in the year we could afford it easier. I don't know though... that longing in my heart for my baby is so hard to ignore. Why are these decisions so hard! But I mean, I waited so many years to save money for the "right" time to have a baby and got pooped on. What's 6 more months? Girls, thanks for listening to my rant. I hate that you understand my emotions, but I'm so happy to have you there because you understand my emotions. Hugs to all of you... sounds like we've all had our obstacles this week!

Lisa....not sure if it was my night yesterday, but I cried when I read your post! Between AF showing up at yoga....hosting the baby shower....realizing your due dates....putting on a brave face....torn over finances and the timing of TTC. It is terrible that we can all relate to each other......but so glad we can because we can support each other!

Its been a tough week for us, hasnt it? Some days are surely a struggle. It seems like every time I bring up the main Yahoo page...a new celebrity....or piece of trash celebrity...is pregnant. I am sure we will all receive some sort of news this year....I just dont like the wait.

I researched that Methotrexate shot.....ehhhh. Very potent. Cant TTC for about 3 months after. Used for cancer patients, rheumatoid arthritis and ectopic pregnancies. Stopped growth of specific cells....including fetal, placental and embryo cells. It is better than another surgery....and the progesterone probably wont get rid of conceptual cells in my fallopian tubes. I guess I have to really think about this...

Hugs to you ladies. Happy Friday and hope we all can have some relaxing down time this weekend.

Ladies......how is everyone? Just checkin in.....

I'm doing alright :) Melissa you poor thing having to face so so so many tough choices!!! I don't which I hope for more in your case....increased hcg meaning new pregnancy or a huge decrease in hcg and your body is finally cleaning itself :/ So difficult I don't know how you do it or what I'd do in your shoes! You're going to get once more blood work sample right ? I think I'd give the provera a try first. It's fairly short at most you'll be on it 10 days but at least then you'll be able to conceive quickly if you want to jump back in :) Plus there's few side effects. I think I'd do the shot as a last resort. Personally I am so weary of drastic measures. In my mind I'd be thinking that I'd never be back to normal or it would take me so much longer than others to get right. I just don't know what kind of opinions to give you :( But I guess you know what's best for yourself. I'll be keeping you in my thoughts

Well my new doctor will not be doing anything for my until May when my true annual is due. No clomid no nothing! I like this doctor though lol He said his rule on clomid is it won't do anything if the tubes are blocked which makes total sense even though I really wanted a round of clomid! He said even though I've been trying for over a year it's only been about 6 months of my cycles becoming regular from the medications and to just leave with that until May. Then come May and no baby he said the next will be an HSG test for my tubes and a SA for hubster THEN we will move on to clomid :) It seems so long but I know it will be much faster then I realize. He did do an exam and said my cervix looks perfect, the uterus feels just like it should, and ovaries are fine as well not hard and moving around :) He reviewed my prior u/s and said my lining was the correct width and the fibroid they found was very very small and on the outside back of my uterus and will have absolutely no effect on conceiving :) All is well with my plumbing and just give the meds a chance even he said with the met it takes a few cycles to a "fertilizable" eggie lol

Lisa I'm sorry to hear af showed for you :( I know it sucks so so bad but just look forward to the next try :) I guess that's all us ladies can do is just look forward to the next try and I've decided to stop worrying about bding. If we are in the mood then we have fun ;) not going to stress lke OMG it's that time lol just gonna TRY to keep it fun and simple :) We'll get there ladies we need to find strength and patience in ourselves :)

Sorry for the long post just felt like typing away this morning

to all of us!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hope everyone had a good weekend.

Hi ladies.....are we all still here?

Hope everyone is doing well wherever they are in their cycles....

Michelle...I commented on your journal post but I will repeat it here.....I wish they would send you sooner for the HSG! That could help wonders...but, you're right about waiting the 5 months...it's been a lot longer than that and 5 months will certainly fly by!

AFM...I started Loestrin on Friday night, hence my higher temps. BUT.... my bleeding has completely stopped!! I'm actually just wearing my undies right now....no pad or liner!! I feel so clean and normal! LOL! Well, wait a minute...that sounded bad....LOL. I am wearing more than undies of course! Just feels great to feel some normalcy!

I'm hoping everyone is having a nice long weekend....if everyone did have one? We had off today for MLK Day....and getting hit with some lake effect snow. Good day to be inside with a cup of hot tea!

I miss you ladies....where are you?!

Hi girls! What a relaxing day! We had mlk off today so I went to yoga this morning, had a nice lunch with my mil and then went with her to the farmers market. Holy cow did we get some great stuff. Fresh herbs, greens and fruits for juicing, fresh rainbow trout, asparagus and green beans for dinner tonight. It just feels so nice to be doing things for myself!

Ladies, thanks for the kind words and support! Melissa, i agree with Michelle that you always have so many hard decisions to make and I know you'll make the one that is best for you! So, last week when I wrote I said that we were going to figure out if we might want to wait and i thought I was out for January... I thought I had started to bleed, but then that night I realized I wasn't really. Oh progesterone! Then I got optimistic and then eventually just gave up caring! AF finally came with a vengeance yesterday and I actually was happy to see her! We decided last week that we are taking a break until July at the earliest. I need to lose my mc sadness weight and we just need to take care of ourselves for a little bit. So, Michelle, I'm also on the 5 month waiting plan and I know it'll be July before we know it!! I hope that you are able to get some answers and it comes easily for you once you know everything!

And Melissa, congrats on being able to wear underwear like a normal woman! Haha! When I was spotting, not spotting last week I just felt like I was in a diaper all the time and that's frustrating and I know you've been bleeding for a long time now! I don't know how you have the patience you have! I can't wait to hear that you are regulated again and back to normal! I hate that this has been so extended for you!

I'll still be around here lurking in the darkness, but definitely taking a break. I'm not even sure if I want to continue my progesterone in the meantime. The only problem with that is that I'm not going back on the pill, so there's always a chance I could get pg. where do you guys buy your ovulations tests online and what brands? I need to invest in some cheapies... Especially if I decide to keep up with the progesterone. Probably what I'll end up doing in the end, but I'm so tired at the moment from taking them... But I'd love to know where you all buy your ov tests! Thanks!!

Lisa....I swear by these tests...and they are super cheap!

My levels are so freakin' low and I'm still getting a faint positive on HPT. Very sensitive tests...in both aspects (OPK and HPT)

http://www.ebay.com/itm/130718076133?var=430075456222&ssPageName=STRK:MEWNX:IT&_trksid=p3984.m1497.l2649

You can do a combo pack. I usually do 30 OPK and 10 HPT....but I love that you can do whatever choice you want! SUPER fast shipping too!

If that link doesn't work, the item number is: 130718076133 Just put that in the search box on eBay.

Thanks so much, Melissa! I'll get on there and see if I can order some this week! I like the digital OPK's a lot, but I can't afford to keep using them... Especially when I'm not actively ttc'ing! I'm sure I'll have plenty of questions... Haha! I used the line tests the first month ttc and I struggled with what was positive and what was negative! Thanks again!